Healthy Aspirations..@ 2 weeks of good stuff..

I hope to document my progress. I hate people discussing weight so I won't do that.. just pics and dates..

I am hoping to add a Thurs night run to the exercise schedule.. and perhaps train for a 5k?

Healthy Aspirations

This photograph was me last year..after having four kids and not paying attention to my physical well being....what a wake up call , I had always been thin without trying.


I am going to somewhat document my work here
I run Mon, Wed , Fri at leats 1 mile.
I play indoor soccer Mon nights
We eat a healthy home cooked meal every night.. NO eating out..
Switched to whole grains, Kashi cereal and yogurt etc. fruit. lots of water...

Ben is passionate about computer art now, I my violin..Ana will begin piano soon. Leah will play violin with me..We have a new van..Things are smooth..

Sadly, I am bored. Why does that happen. Do you think maybe it's because
A. We have no cable.
B. We only have 3 kids for the next month. ( all under 4 though)
C. It's 108 degrees outside.

hmm, I wonder. Why isn't summer fun . I think we need waverunners or a paddle boat..or anything thats floats and would hold us on it. I need a passion. It really isn't cleaning right now, I really don't feel like mopping the floor again for the 3rd time this week.

You know, yesterday life felt heavy. I looked out the window at the flowing trees, glistening sun, I could hear water trickling in the distance. I felt as though nature was mocking me. Or perhaps it knows something I don't about my life. Gentle promptings everywhere around me tell me things are not what I think they are. Such beauty, peace cool breezy nights. Life so full of promise and gorgeous creative children. I just need to have patience and faith. patience and enduring faith. :') Focus.

They stole our radio. I laugh, really . Sometime between 3:30 pm and 6 45 pm, some rancid meth addicts wandered the 102 degree heat, knowing full well sane folk are holed up in their air conditioned houses...and the ripped that Sony stereo out of that OLD Volvo. For real. I think I am stunned, oh and they stole my 8 year old's choco cat wallet too. Gotta have some choco cat change purse to give to yo hottie. LOSERS!!!

One might say that I am a little Obsessive. No, really. I understand this is unbelieveable, but I find myself in "streams". When I like something, I consume it. Right now I like Ghost in the Shell : Second gig ....a lot. I have GITS wallpaper on my desktop, I sing the opening song...all day long. I write the acronym GITS , who would know that means anything!!!? I do , because I am in love. I was researching today and uncovered the fact that the third season will begin in June...ahhh, summer romance.
I have other obsessions, like NOLAN. His sweet buttery softness. He sings "the song" with me. He knows what mama likes.. ( imagery here is scrawny woman smoking , do rag on head)
I think for food obsession, I have gone from dark chocolate covered cranberries, to brownies, that I can make myself. This is BAD for a couple reasons, when women have cycles they crave things. Since I am done having children , my body has decided to become very cruel. It is tormenting me with hairloss, acne ( I have NEVER had acne!!) and strange chocolate cravings. I don't have the "gee a piece would be nice" craving ..no, I get the " I must eat all of the bag now, the whole 3 LB bag" craving. This is all really new to me. I'm 34, and this is new. Guess you are never too old.

The other reason is that if I can cook it easy, I don't have to go anywhere to have all the fattening brownie I want.

I really feel bad for my husband some days. He gets this "new" wife. I am a GITS watching fat nerd , who eats brownies all day, while singing "we are soldiers stand or fall", and has acne. NICE.

"Leah, DO NOT EAT FOOD , IT WILL MAKE YOU THROW UP CHEERIOS!!!!" good thing we have our 4 year old boy, the rule follower and leader of all good and just to enforce any hinted at parental regulations.

OMgosh, I'm so cute

I am kinda mean, I love Nolan's sad face so much I try to make him sad on purpose. I yell, scream at him , whatever it takes to see my favorite face.

True Love

pic08
Originally uploaded by bluefishga.

I had to post this picture . This moment makes child rearing worth while. He loves me...

I just spent an awful lot of time looking at Madonna's website ( she's 47!!), and reading blogs of girls apparently more witty than I am. I am thinking maybe it's because I no longer write in whole sentences. I no longer speak in whole sentences. I say "what are you ....just quit...uhh.. if you don..."I have lost my wits. sad

I feel swamped..All anyone talks about is giving gifts / not giving gifts..when Jesus was born..how Christmas isn't really his birth date so..what the heck. When I was a child Christmas was magic, reverent ..somehow refreshing and special..When I was young I liked to sit and watch snow flakes fall in the deafening silence of a snowy night . As a young child I sat in my friend's life sized yard nativity scene and looked at the baby Jesus.. I knew it was all really important.
I don't care about anything the news says ..none of it gets to the heart of what I really feel daily, it's all meant to be inciteful..not insightful..
I just want calm reverence, sugarplum fairies, nativity scenes, songs like Greensleeves, and silent night on Christmas eve ..and perhaps a few groggy joyful present openings early Christmas day..and no arguing.
Even if he wasn't born on that date, it's when we have universally chosen to celebrate a spirit of hope..the promise that his coming gives to each of us.

I could not live here...omgosh it would be nuts...but none the less amazing watch the video..was shut down by a car crash though.. View video.

Omgosh, what a blessing!!! I watched this and wanted to cry, maybe because I myself have a tiny baby..wow..
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,178786,00.html
click the video...

You know, I have never been strongly for or against capital punishment, the Tookie thing made me think about it and I think I may have answered myself. I first thought are we depriving people the chance to "get right with God" I am going to sound like a moron to someone I'm sure...but then I thought more and ...look at Tookie he was able to still do something good in the time they gave him (what 24 years?) before his death..
Still not sure where I stand. Many Societies without our capacity to jail people for extensive periods of time , have capital punishment. I will need to one day seriously think about it more.

UPDATED I have decided against, if there is no DNA evidence...there's things prisoners can do..lots of work and perhaps reparations.. though..a dna proved child killer..that's tough..

Christmas card preview!!! I'm so excited..he will be mad because this is in no way the finished product..he just slapped it together to show me the idea of it..but I love it...

I have pink eye..It really sucks..My kids would say I shouldn't use that word ...but man it sure does suck....It appears to be viral and will go away within a few days..joy..just a few days of absolute annoying torture... uuugh. You know, I saw a girl in high school once with pink eye, I thought it must be somewhat rare and not good. Then you have children and you get illnesses that you have never even heard of..34 years no pinkeye..till now..

Christmas

christmas
Originally uploaded by bluefishga.

Today I find I need patience, and to look for what I am grateful for...
I was driving ana to school to catch her bus for her field trip..the car sputtered ...and went ..sputtered ...and went then sputtered and stopped...about 6 blocks from school..I unloaded all 4 kids..got out my stroller, loaded them up..a minivan pulls over ..she knows my Volvo and has seen us at the park..she owned a Volvo just like ours..and lives across the street from the park..( I felt humiliated..her house is really , really nice..)we all get in ...ana barely makes it, but she made it..I call the mechanic...then head home..the car will be towed to the shop..
Then we get home leahs diaper didn't quite hold it's load..it's all over her..on me..I toss her in the tub strip her down...then strip me down ..get us all cleaned (load of laundry) bleach the tub....ok
I have my Charlie Brown Christmas CD on...things are ok...
I clean the garage out a bit more , still working on my "mudroom area"
made lunch..I have a Menu for each meal of the day...no worries..
load the dishes...write my blog...
I remembered my first Christmas in NYC all alone , really very alone..and very broke..
I lived in a studio (this means one room, kitchen closet and a bathroom..same size as my living room now..if even that big) It cost me 700$ a month, I was waitressing. I had a plant that I put lights and a few tiny ornaments on...
I worked Chrismas Eve..

This year ..I have a beautiful smart daughter to drive to her wonderful school..3 more adorable children that really adore me , and I them..I get to give them gifts..and watch their excitement. I have a truly dedicated and loving partner..I say partner because he really is 50/50 in this endeavor..maybe even 60/40..
I can sing in the choir with Grampa...and come home ..to a warm beautiful home..
I am really so fortunate..This wasn't always how it was...

Ben made that...as an idea for our new frames...it's not done of course...we would do other stuff over that..collage kinda..different mediums..
I love singing la tortura by shakira don't laugh..I like to sing alejandro sanz part..really loud. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/clipserve/B00097A5HW001003/0/103-5718604-7591847
the imagery of me singing that is great...