Christmas

christmas
Originally uploaded by bluefishga.

Today I find I need patience, and to look for what I am grateful for...
I was driving ana to school to catch her bus for her field trip..the car sputtered ...and went ..sputtered ...and went then sputtered and stopped...about 6 blocks from school..I unloaded all 4 kids..got out my stroller, loaded them up..a minivan pulls over ..she knows my Volvo and has seen us at the park..she owned a Volvo just like ours..and lives across the street from the park..( I felt humiliated..her house is really , really nice..)we all get in ...ana barely makes it, but she made it..I call the mechanic...then head home..the car will be towed to the shop..
Then we get home leahs diaper didn't quite hold it's load..it's all over her..on me..I toss her in the tub strip her down...then strip me down ..get us all cleaned (load of laundry) bleach the tub....ok
I have my Charlie Brown Christmas CD on...things are ok...
I clean the garage out a bit more , still working on my "mudroom area"
made lunch..I have a Menu for each meal of the day...no worries..
load the dishes...write my blog...
I remembered my first Christmas in NYC all alone , really very alone..and very broke..
I lived in a studio (this means one room, kitchen closet and a bathroom..same size as my living room now..if even that big) It cost me 700$ a month, I was waitressing. I had a plant that I put lights and a few tiny ornaments on...
I worked Chrismas Eve..

This year ..I have a beautiful smart daughter to drive to her wonderful school..3 more adorable children that really adore me , and I them..I get to give them gifts..and watch their excitement. I have a truly dedicated and loving partner..I say partner because he really is 50/50 in this endeavor..maybe even 60/40..
I can sing in the choir with Grampa...and come home ..to a warm beautiful home..
I am really so fortunate..This wasn't always how it was...